My Boundaries Aren’t Up for Debate

Surrounding yourself with people who are more successful than you and setting boundaries isn’t arrogance. It’s self-respect. It’s knowing your worth. I’m tired of apologizing and explaining myself. I am who I am, and I don’t give a damn what other people think of me. They don’t know what I’ve been through or how hard I’ve had to work on myself to become the person I am today. Now let me explain.

I said to surround yourself with people who are more successful than you. Here’s what I mean: each of us reflects the people around us. We mirror one another. If you want to rise higher, spend time with people who have already reached higher. If you surround yourself with people who are going nowhere, there’s a good chance you’ll end up stuck in the same place until you walk away.

That may sound harsh, but I’m speaking from experience. I cut many people out of my life because I was more successful than they were, had nothing to learn from them, and felt they were only dragging me down. Arrogant? Some people will think so. To me, it’s self-respect.

I have no friends apart from my sister. Do you think that bothers me? Not one bit. I know I pushed a lot of people away myself, and I don’t regret it. My life has only gotten better. What matters is quality, not quantity.

Now, about boundaries. I spent so much of my life trying to be agreeable, making sure I didn’t upset or offend anyone. I don’t do that anymore. I say what I think, directly and right away. How someone reacts is their problem. People weren’t afraid of hurting me when I stayed quiet and put up with it until I couldn’t anymore. Now I speak up, and oh, does that bother some people. They really don’t like hearing the truth when it’s unpleasant.

Do you know how quickly the wrong people disappear when you set boundaries? Instantly. It’s wonderful. Here’s a recent example. I was arranging a first date with a man I’d met online. We had never met in person and had spoken on the phone once—on a video call so he could check whether I was real, by the way. We agreed to have dinner at a restaurant, and he was supposed to pick me up.

After that call, knowing I live in a house, he suggested we stay at my place and watch the sunset from my backyard instead. His reasoning? We could always go to a restaurant another time. As if my backyard were about to disappear. Or the sun wouldn’t set tomorrow. I could have gently steered us back to the original plan, but the thought didn’t even cross my mind. Instead, I wrote: “No. Firstly you can’t see the sunset from my backyard. Secondly I don’t like such suggestions on the first date. I don’t need just meaningless sex.”

He replied that he doesn’t spend money carelessly. You haven’t even lifted a finger, and you already expect me to spread my legs? Then came this message: “I respect it. But the fact that you aren’t open to it and just shut it down with sex is beyond me. I don’t align with your type of woman. I appreciate someone that’s open to actually getting to know each other rather than what I can do for them.”

Without knowing me at all, he went on to practically insult me, suggesting I only cared about having money spent on me. Then he sent me a video of a stack of cash to show that money wasn’t the issue. My only reply to the video was: “Good for you.”

Honestly, I don’t know what’s happening to the world. So many men seem to have forgotten how to act like men. I can’t even remember the last time a man brought me flowers on a date—or whether one ever has. They want everything while doing nothing for it. Some even try to play the victim, saying they’ve been used before and have to be more careful now. Be as careful as you like. Just leave me out of it.

If a man is afraid to spend even a cent on me on a first date, that tells me plenty. I don’t want someone like that anywhere near me. As you already know, I’m not afraid of being alone. I have no interest in a relationship just for the sake of having one. I know my worth. That’s why I’ve been single for almost three years, and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

I know my words and my directness turn a lot of people away. But here’s what I’ll say: the right person for me won’t be scared off.