Remembering What I Already Knew

It seems I have fallen into a small creative crisis. Ever since I finally finished my book, I haven’t written a single article. The truth is painfully simple: I don’t know what to write about. I keep searching for a subject, but nothing feels strong enough to become a full story. So today, there will be no carefully chosen topic. Just a few thoughts that have been occupying my mind lately.

I have been thinking a lot. The past few weeks have brought me more realizations than I expected. The funny thing is, none of them were entirely new. Somewhere deep inside, I already knew all of this. But at some point, I drifted so far away from what I knew that everything began to unravel. Of course, I created most of those difficulties myself. Still, they served a purpose. They reminded me of several things that are deeply important to me. They also forced me to look back at how much I have already achieved—and how grateful I am for all of it.

The first realization was about work and money. I constantly talk about how we create our own reality through our thoughts and beliefs. And yet, do you know what I had been doing for months? I had been treating the club as my primary source of income. That was a fundamental mistake, and I honestly don’t know why I allowed myself to think that way for so long. It wasn’t until I took time off to finish my book that I finally saw it clearly. I changed the way I thought about my work, and almost immediately, the reality around me began to change as well. The club is no longer the foundation of my income. It is simply a side job—something secondary. And I don’t want this to sound like an empty theory, so here is a very real example. In June, I worked at the club for the entire month. I had no other work during that time, and I earned less than I did in July—a month in which I took two full weeks off from the club. The result was immediate. The moment I stopped seeing the club as my main source of money, new opportunities appeared. I started getting booked for shoots again. Sometimes, reality responds faster than we expect. Or perhaps we simply become capable of noticing the doors that were always there once we stop staring at the wrong one.

The second realization was about money itself. I had forgotten something I understood perfectly well back when I was living in Europe: in my life, money needs movement. It needs a purpose, a direction, and a reason to keep flowing. Instead, I had simply put my savings aside for the sake of having them, without any clear intention behind them. I became afraid to spend, and as a result, I didn’t only slow down the flow of money—I put my entire life on pause. I stopped traveling, even though travel is one of the things that restores me, fills me with energy, and inspires me to create. Fortunately, it was an easy mistake to correct. Give me permission to spend money, and I will happily rise to the occasion. Lol.

The third realization was that I had almost completely abandoned my esoteric practices. So I returned to meditation and began working on developing my clairvoyance again. I am still amazed by what the human mind and intuition may be capable of when we consciously choose to develop them. We are taught to rely only on what is visible, measurable, and easy to explain. But there is so much within us that remains unexplored simply because we have never taken the time to listen.

In the end, those two weeks away from the club turned out to be far more productive than I could have imagined. I didn’t only finish my book. I also returned to myself. I examined my beliefs, corrected the direction in which I had been moving, and remembered several truths I should never have forgotten in the first place. Sometimes, a pause is not really a pause. Sometimes, it is the exact moment when life begins moving again.